35. Packet Pasta

June 3, 2008

This is not a feminine hygiene product. This is an individually-wrapped single serving of pasta.

We can only guess that this product was designed with the bachelor in mind. Were it never invented, think of all the daily mishaps and/or awkward conversations that would ensue.

Take, for example, the case of the 34 year-old Manhattan tax attorney who must wake his mother for cooking advice at 4am.


Mr. Tax: Mother. I have a question.

Mom: Who?

Mr. Tax: I have company for dinner tonight and I need some solid advice on pasta serving sizes.

Mom: What?

Mr. Tax: This is serious, Mother. I’m trying to attract a mate, uh a client.

Mom: Where?

Mr. Tax: Mom! Just tell me how much goddamn pasta I need to boil for two individuals.

Mom: Aww, hun. Didn’t you get those serving stencils I put in your Santa’s sock last x-mas? You know, the ones tha…

Mr. Tax: No! Those were for spaghetti! I am making shells tonight! To accompany a nice tinned cheese sauce I found on sale at Rexall’s.

Mom: Who?

Mr. Tax: Listen! Must you fail to instruct your oldest son on the cornerstones of daily living?!

Mom: When?

Mr. Tax: Fuck it. I’ll get Delissio.


Some may have a soft spot for Mr. Tax and his efforts. Nonetheless, we can only imagine the failed nuptials resulting from this tragedy of knowledge. If only Mr. Tax lived in Japan and not America, Packet Pasta could have saved the day.

But with our continual support and fidelity toward this product, it may one day reach into the heart of America, Europe, and other fine destinations.



  1. hilarious as always

  2. Wow, this post totally blew me away.

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