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30. The Convenience Store Pancake

May 24, 2008

There is nothing “convenient” about The Convenience Store Pancake.

We’ve already seen how Western breakfasts are besmirched by the hands of Japan, but this…

This is equivalent to eating a memory foam pillow but with half the taste. Any flavour this once had is eliminated by a state of anoxia and a Strongman’s helping of sulphur dioxide. Also important–there is no syrup or butter enclosed in this “snack.” You are supposed to eat it in its Paleocene-era form, feigning satisfaction or at least low-level tolerance.

Only your imagination can serve as a palliative agent while eating this Misinterpretation of The West. Think back to more sanguine pancake times–family breakfasts, post-bar brunches, or even that backdoor kegger where a drunk and pimpled nineteen-year-old boy in a legionella-filled kitchen made pancakes for the first time and forgot such ingredients as flour and/or water.

Just do not buy this alimentary betrayal more than once. The depression may never lift.

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3 comments

  1. THESE PANCAKES ARE SOLD IN CANADA.


  2. Isn’t that a dorayaki? 2 pancakes with red bean paste between them? Those things are great!


  3. We have those in Korea but they infuse syrup into them and put red bean paste between two. still not very satisfying to eat, but leave a few of those babies out for a few days and watch the magic…



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