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26. Bacon and Egg Bread

May 18, 2008

It’s a sad fact that the Grand Slam Breakfast of the West is still compartmentalized by food groups. This makes extra work for consumers, who must tirelessly fork their way through staunchly demarcated territories of hash-browns, eggs, bacon, and toast.

Luckily, in Japan, this practice has ended. Bacon and eggs are now glued to a single platform of cold, withered bread. This creates extra space on your plate in case you need to be sick.

And since this rapture rests on an unrefrigerated bakery shelf, there is a good chance that you will be sick. Just recall your first month in Japan when your friend was couriered to the hospital, infused with saline, and X-rayed after eating an unrefrigerated tuna rice ball from the bakery chain in question.

Don’t let the kaleidoscopic design lead you astray. Bacon and Egg Bread is still a leading cause of voluntary death in this country. The individual who eats this lethality is surely asking for a quick escape.

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3 comments

  1. […] already seen how Western breakfasts are besmirched by the hands of Japan, but […]


  2. I like how it’s lined with that cheese mayonnaise that Japanese people love so much.


  3. I would definitely subject myself to that.



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