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Banana Genocide: A Commentary

May 15, 2008

Let us briefly interrupt this list of kitchen harlequinade for an important news flash.

Genocide is at large in Japan. Readers will be shocked to hear this, but it is true: this country is currently disposing of and/or violating an entire race of bananas.

The conflict appears to have an intense neurological motivation rather than a religious or political one. Needless to say, countless bananas are being derided–graded even– on the basis of skin colour. (This apparently started when Belgian ethnologists colonialized Japan and issued identity cards to bananas in the 1920s). Those with green skin are rendered useless and jettisoned from the agricultural scene; those with lighter skin fare even worse.

Medium-toned “chartreuse” bananas are either cast out to die with their green-skinned cohorts or perceived as “near yellow” and shipped off for ruination. Rarely, this borderline breed is dumped in a displacement camp to die alone.

But the worst off are the yellow “level six” bananas. These citizens are individually wrapped in jail of cellophane and marketed to low-end convenience stores in the armpit of Tokyo.

While experts are attempting to address these crimes, we are not where we need to be; the UN still has not labelled this tropical fruit abhorrence a “genocide,” despite an estimated death toll of 200,000 green bananas.

Part of the problem is Tokyo. It continues to aid militia agricultural groups and to destroy forensic evidence of the horror, such as emeraldesque banana peels and their prisons of plastic.

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