16. The “American” Chocolate Chip Cookie

May 1, 2008

If you squint carefully, you can see it here–one scintilla of a cookie wherein an eighth of a walnut and a single chocolate chip cohabitate mirthfully.

Sadly, this is the closest you will ever come to an “American” cookie in Japan. The cookie has here been replaced by abominations like Nambu Sembei (Soy Joy’s equally petrous cousin) or the moon-shaped melon loaf, nicely dabbled with 1/3 of a chocolate chip or a bean.

What is worse is that Japan has failed to include the secret ingredient common to all American desserts: the atherosclerotic portion size. True Americans know their cookies to be at least 34 times this size.

The result is that you will have to eat 34 of these abortions to remedy your craving. But before doing so, you should pad your mouth with cotton. Not unlike Soy Joy, the “American” (as it is labelled) cookie will have you running to the nearest maxillofacial surgeon. Remember that in Japan there are two food textures, butter-soft and ceramic-hard.

This baby falls into category two.



  1. […] have already discussed Japan’s two food textures, pillow soft and brick hard. The Ice Dog transcends these divisions since the wetness of the ice […]

  2. Think about the weight of an average American vs an average Japanese.

    Maybe the Japanese got it right……

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