11. The Individually Wrapped Cashew

April 21, 2008

This is an abortion of sustainability, to say the least.

One would hope that the pearl within the wrapper would somehow trump its cashew colleagues–but rest assured this is an ordinary nut: prosaic, unadorned, banal.

Aside from a light gown of salt, it rests naked within its deplorable womb of plastic.

A saving grace is that the single portion offers calorie control. Although, if your cashew problems are such that you can only allow yourself one at a time, you may need more than a plastic sheath to control your will.

Please stay tuned for Japan’s next debut, the cashew embedded in a block of solid iron.



  1. I feel bad for any chef in Japan who has to cook Thai chicken with cashew nuts.

  2. […] yourself to a vestige of beige lactose. If you’ve been especially good, you can add an individually wrapped cashew or 1/8th of a Premium Plus to your dairy delight. Possibly related posts: (automatically […]

  3. […] —”The Individually Wrapped Cashew,” Culinary Abortions from Japan […]

  4. […] the worst off are the yellow “level six” bananas. These citizens are individually wrapped in jail of cellophane and marketed to a low-end convenience store in the armpit of […]

  5. Amazing! How can you eat one nut?

    your blog is awesome, I love your writing it cracks me up… I have subscribed.


  6. […] September 5, 2008 at 4:30 pm (Uncategorized) Good God, there can’t be anything more pathetic than this. […]

  7. I have written a song about this behavior.

    Individually wrapped prunes, slices of cheese, now cashews…

    I think they all would make good examples in a mash up music video for my song.

  8. Mitch Hedberg: “When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I’ll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, “Do you have coke in a glass harmonica?…Do you have individually wrapped cashews?”

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