58. Sac Juice

Sometimes two volatile substances are paired together much to everyone’s chagrin.

Fine examples of this in history are:

• Kraft dinner and ketchup
• Fish and bicycles
• Sonny and Cher
• Plaid and argyle

More recently, it has come to our awareness that sac and juice are far from illustrious mates. A close cousin of pulp, sac bears a similar congealed texture but with troublesome sexual undertones.

Important questions to ask yourself while drinking this beverage are as follows:

• Will it affect my ability to bear children?
• Will it make me grow a beard?
• Will it add four cup sizes to my chest?
• Do I look like an idiot?

If you answered “yes” to any of the points above,  you should not drink this beverage. The temptation may be hard to fight–especially because of the clever “six fortune” name that implies clairvoyance or other supernatural qualities usually not assigned to juice.

But there are more reasonable alternatives. Even Extra Pulp Tropicana would be a wiser solution than this malfeasance.

*credits to the sage H. Spencer who submitted this photo

57. Cookin’ with Dr. Pepper

Each individual may come to a fork in the road whereby decisions are tough.

Two paths may present themselves, but only one is the glowing, laudable choice. A crucial detour down down a boorish road may significantly stain one’s future.

Now let us apply the above allusion to its source: Cooking with Dr. Pepper. Never was there such a sinister tine–a path of grimness and woe.

This path can be ambushed. It is not too late to detour from the Cooking with Dr. Pepper route. It may take longer to arrive at your culinary destination, but your life may be spared, and your friends, preserved. Bold, promising choices will lie ahead.

There is no boiled potato made reverent by a splash of carbonated glee. There is no pot roast refurbished from a  marinade of caramel colouring and phosphoric acid.

The truth is that–bribes and subpoenas aside–one must occasionally make a choice between two important demoninators. Different factors may be weighed, some logical, some not. But Dr. Pepper should never be one of them. No weight should be assigned to this liquid grime.

Ultimately, meals should continue unabated by its flaws.

*Image courtesy of Gallery of Regrettable Food.

56. Tower O’ Icing

In the dark chamber of our world, there are seldom lights of hope, faith.

But pictured above is a sign that God is active among us.

What could signal His presence more than a tower o’ icing?

• He has come to us at last in the form of a stack of hydrogenated oil.
• He has proven that extraordinary powers can exist among ordinary oreos.
• He has been deified by his plain, biscuit peers.

‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’
Bible, Matthew 14:31

*The author does not endorse any religion or its bastardization.

*Credits to the Creator.