17. Edamame Kit-Kat

The Kit-Kat is so ubiquitous in Japan that even Rosemarie Fritzl would notice it cropping up now and then.

Little more than a plebian wafer combination in North American, the Kit-Kat of Japan is deified to the realm of demi-god or perhaps Buddha itself.

But of greater interest are the flavours that Japan has created to mask the faint cardboard aftertaste of the original variety.

They include

• “vanilla” (which must contain something other than vanilla since the bar emerges in a pure white form)
• “banana” (sporting a pastel yellow look)
• “strawberry” (made with .048% real fruit)
• “sakura” (a seasonal shame)
• “apple” (fortified with vitamin C in case citizens begin to confuse confectionary with produce)
• “swirled melon” (from the swirled melon tree native to the Niger River)
• “blood orange” (no thank-you)
• “eraser” (the Kit-Kat design is imprinted on erasers throughout the nation. Unfortunately, erasers are non-caloric and cannot be further discussed).
• “matcha” (an abomination of culture)
• and finally, “edamame.”

Edamame is the greatest offender here (followed closely by the light green “apple”), not only to the Kit-Kat but also to Mother Nature. Legume should never be a flavour of chocolate, especially not edamame, a legume of otherwise great integrity.

For now, stick with the plain red and white label. Your won’t know what you’re missing, but then again, nor will Rosemarie Fritzl.